I really don't even know how to jump into this subject as it is completely overwhelming for me. I have so many daa-gone convictions its difficult to live up to them all. I end up overwhelmed and reaching none of my personal goals because it just seems too difficult.
Its like when you spend a certain amount of time exercising on a regular basis and then for some reason you stop. Why stop? Life I suppose gets us all off track now and then. We end up looking back on the time of regular exercise and asking ourselves why we stopped. We looked good we felt good. I just don't know the answer but I know I am way off track right now, way off.
So then about these convictions. What are they? Well...
1. I want to have good mornings.
By good mornings I mean when I get up and have to go to work that day I would like for it to go smoothly. Know what I'm going to wear. Know what Aiden is going to wear. Have his diaper bag and lunch done the night before. Have my pump ready to go ( sorry guys). Have time for breakfast, have time to feed Aiden breakfast. To enjoy (gasp) the morning would be wonderful! I hate feeling rushed it ruins my well, morning haha.
It gets deeper. To have good mornings then I must have good nights and my 10 month old son is not a very good sleeper (sorry baby). So... to have a good morning I have to get sleep at night which means Aiden has to get sleep at night and that is truly overwhelming.
Aiden has never, NEVER slept a full night in is crib. I have never, NEVER really tried. I know my baby and I know that it is going to be a painful, terrible struggle getting him in the crib. I just hate to confuse him. The truth is that I like the idea of co-sleeping and so does my husband. Its just that he wants to nurse all night, about every two hours. I have trouble getting back to sleep and I am so so tired.
I have to throw in that I'm 5 months pregnant with baby number two! Yay and fear! I know that I will want the newborn by my side and I just don't know how I'm going to deal with three people in the room after my breast! Ha Ha.
So I have to get Aiden in his crib because I just don't think I can physically or mentally handle sharing my room with two nursing babes and I just feel horrible and cruel as if I'm taking time away from Aiden that he deserves from his momma.
So to have a good morning first I have to get Aiden to have a good night, then I have to have a good night, have to quit hitting snooze, have to be ready the night before... oh and my husband works out of town and isn't home through the week so he cannot help.
There is one conviction that is so overwhelming I don't know if I can list anymore today. I think that if I keep blogging on a regular basis it will help me to keep myself in check and my goals as well.
I love to journal. Nothing helps me know myself better. So I guess that is a conviction, lets see if I can live up to it and my next post Ill mention one of the 100 other things that I would like to be doing and or doing better.
Tonight I will try very hard to get Aiden to sleep in his crib. That is my first step to my good mornings. Wish me luck!
