Guilt Free

So I have been writing about all the many gifts God has blessed me with. I plan to periodically make post of thanks. Today I just want to write about what has been on my mind recently. I am trying to get right with God.

I love music but sometimes I prefer to hear conversation so I listen to VCY America on my radio. Its a Christian station. Yesterday they were talking about the feeling of guilt. A feeling that I have to admit I feel often.

This preacher said that there is no need to feel guilt. Guilt comes from Satan. He said what we must do is pinpoint what we are feeling guilty about. That gets tricky because it can go as far back to your childhood. When you do figure out what you feeling of guilt is stemming from all you have to do is talk to God about it.

Take me for example I feel guilt because I'm not going to Church on a regular basis. So all I need to do is say " God I'm sorry I have not been going to Church. Please forgive me." Then GO. The Bible says that God will not bring up the things you have done wrong after you have asked for forgiveness, Satan does that. The only time God might bring something up is to show you have much he has loved you, not to make you feel bad about yourself

I guess I have been waiting around on my husband to go with me. We have a way of letting worldly matters take the place of going to Church. Mowing, cleaning, painting and so on. Starting this Sunday I go no matter what. I don't know why it is so hard for me to go by myself but it is!

I am the ultimate people pleaser. I don't like it and I don't know why I am always looking for approval, but I am. So I ask that God help me to want to please him instead of people who I will never be able to please! That I can find confidence in him to not feel pressured by peers.

I have been reading aloud to my husband at night from the Message ( the Bible in today's lingo). We are almost through Luke. Last night I read that you can ask God for anything that you need. I really like the example that Luke gives.

If you child ask you for something to eat would you give him a snake? If you daughter ask you for something to eat would you give her a spider? Just as you would not do these things to your child God will not do these things to you. God who created you and your child loves you more than you can understand.

God wants to give us the things that we need because we are his children. I do not have children but I know that my parents would give me the world if they could. Imagine how much more God can give and wants to give. I'm not saying to ask for ridiculous things. What I'm saying is to be direct with God when asking for the things that you need and I think God will be direct with you.

Is there anything that you're feeling guilty about?

Is there anything you want to ask God for?

Best Sisters

Four more blessings in my life! Heather, Joe, Gwen, and Grant I love you guys!



For many years I have called Heather my "best sister". Now my other two sisters they are the best too, but Heather and I spent a few years being very close. Most likely because she was my idle and we just get along great. I think we have the same humor and having someone to laugh with is the best gift ever!



When Heather and Joe started dating life was great because I finally got a brother!I also gained another person to laugh with, I don't think that Joe and I ever really know what were laughing about but somehow when I'm with him everything becomes funny!



Heather and Joe have blessed me and this world with two precious babes! I cannot believe how much I love them! Heather and I talk about how sometimes you can love somebody so much it makes you cry and that's the truth!

The other day we had a birthday party for my mom and I was talking about all my worries and Heather said "why don't you just quit worrying"w/ no compassion for my obviously mediocre problem. She always knows how to put me in my place.

She doesn't care to sugar coat things she just tells it like it is. There have been times that this ticked me off but truly she is the one person I can go to and know that I will always receive honesty and I know that its because she loves me. There is much to be said about tough lovers and that's my Heather!

We have shared so many good times. Back when Heather first started driving we ruled our small town together and even though she was 4 years older than me she included me in her coolness, I always felt privileged! I always wanted to be just like her.

Which is the reason that I stole her clothes, make-up, jewelry, shoes, Cd's, and much more. Hopefully now that were older Heather can see that I wasn't trying to be a thief. I was trying to be as cool and gorgeous as she is.

I guess these days not much has changed. I still wear her clothes when shes done with them. I still think shes pretty hip for a mom. Most of all I think that she is a gorgeous person inside & out. I pray that one day I grow up to be just like her!

The Baby

This is my beautiful sister Caitlin Marie. Caitlin and I are like PB & J, always have been. I remember when she was born, I couldn't wait to take her home!

This baby will soon be having a baby girl. I know she will be the best Mama. Even though I'm the "big" sis Cait takes care of me too. I can talk to her about everything, often with no words she always understands me. Nobody here wants to play a game of pictionary with us because we can have a full conversation with one look!

We have always been a team, remember these plays?

* Its Cool whip time baby.
* Cell Phone video Dance
* O Mexico
* The finger slight bent feeling, almost but, hard to explain
* So much shells and cheese
* Front seat no recalls comments it
* RHS girl pictures, big noses, big smiles ( thank God we switched schools! LOL )
* Hey lay on my back on the couch
* The little man
* I don't want to see those whites
* Tickle game
* Senior Pics


That is just a few. I know that nobody understands anything I just wrote but I guess that's the point. Caitlin and I share what nobody could ever understand but us, and I love that, I love her!

One little story:

Cait and I shared a room for many many years. We had separate beds but Cait always ended up in mine by morning. Finally we got our own rooms when our big sisters moved out! Caitlin still ended up in my bed by morning. I would complain about it. Now I miss it more than anything! To tell you the truth it never bothered me! I'm thankful for these memories.

Catie Baby has helped make me the person that I am, and I am so proud of the woman she has become!

Thank you God for my sister! Another perfect creation, God is awesome!

Big Sis, Mama, Friend...

In my last post I wrote of my husband. I told you a few of the many reasons I am so in love with him. I labeled the post under "Thanks". One post is not nearly enough to cover the many reasons that I have to be thankful! I will be focusing my next few post on the reasons I have to be thankful and the many blessings the Lord has given to me.

When my last day is here I want to have lived a life of thanks. Although I will never complete this task, I want to give my best effort to tell you and most important my Lord that I am thankful for what he has given me, for he has made me so rich in love!

Today, well for the past few days I have been thinking of my eldest sister. Thursday 6/21/07 8:52 am Mandy gave birth to her second baby girl. Ava Marie is 7lbs 15oz. I cant wait to go see her! I give thanks for another beautiful girl, what a precious gift! These girls are not the only gifts that I have received from Amanda.

I cant remember one fight with Mandy growing up. She has always been kind and soft spoken.

She has given me some of the greatest memories. Like sitting on our back porch while she played her guitar and my younger sister and I sang along to Black Bird and Bobby McGee. She even took the time to teach us a little on the guitar.

I have always enjoyed singing. I thank Mandy for encouraging me to do so. Mandy has always encouraged me in all aspects of my life. She has always made me feel like she believed in me.

Mandy may be one of the few people who really understand me. I can always be myself with her. I can't count the hours that we spend on the phone. I am thankful for her friendship. I can tell her all my crazy ideas, and she tells me I'm not crazy :).

As an adolescent she would come home with her high school friends. how I looked up to them ( Nikkie, Lori, Dave, Bro) , mostly her. I'm sure at times she wished her annoying little sister would bug off, but she never said so. She always treated me as her equal. She made me feel like my thoughts were important. She never downplayed my childhood worries. I know she is a wonderful mother because of these traits.

I followed Mandy around because I just wanted to be with her. She showed me love.

She has taught me many things:

*to love coffee

* to love wine

* to love books

* to love nature

* to love conversation

* to speak my mind

* to dream

* to live those dreams

* to stand up for myself

* to be proud

* to be humble

I could go on and on.

My sister Mandy is a blessing in my life. I love her dearly. I feel closer to her now that she is 8 hours away than I did when she was living right down the hall.

I thank God for his creation and perfection. For the gift of my Hippie Sister Mandy. I love her more than words can say!

Love

We had a blast at the Kenny Chesney concert! I never get to go to concerts so this was really a treat! The music was fun and I had a great time with all my friends! I'm so blessed to have such wonderful people in my life!

I also want to take the time to say thanks to God for my husband who is my very best friend. We almost have one year under our belt and we couldn't be happier together! Many times I forget how blessed I am, I forget that not everyone has the gifts that I have been given. So thank you so much God for giving me someone to share my life with that I love so dearly! I pray that I can be a good wife to him, and that we have lots of babies :) soon I hope I hope!

I love my husband for many reasons. My husband takes care of me, he knows how to make me laugh, he knows when I need him to treat me like one of the guys, he knows when to treat me like a lady, he knows when I need to talk, he knows when I need him to quit talking :), more than anything he is my friend, through thick and thin. He knows what I'm good at and he knows what I suck at and he loves me for both. My weakness our his strengths, he makes me a better person.

He is kind,stern, stubborn, sweet, funny, hard working, lovie, clever, he can fix anything, he thinks of others, and he loves me for me. What more could I ask for?

I will refer to this post when we have an argument. The times I need to be reminded why I married this man in the first place!

Why do you love the people in your life? There are many people that I could tell you about and I will in post to come. Please tell me of those you love. I like love stories!

Peace of Mind

Yesterday my husband and I got into a bit of a argument. I in a mess of tears find myself feeling a little selfish. Here I sit crying over a grill ( long story ) and I think of all the greater problems then my own.

In an argument I think each person is looking to be the "right" one. I think to myself do I really need to be "right"? Is being the "right" one worth this fight? Is this fight worth anything? How can I stop this fight when I think that I am the "right" one without making my husband say that I am the "right" one? Do I need him to tell me that, or do I just want to win? How can I control this behavior when I don't even realize it until there is already a fight?

I wish I had the answers to these questions that ramble in my mind, but I do not. I think that no matter what book I read, what friend I go to for advise, or what journal entry I make I will not find the answers. What I can do is pray to God for peace of mind and know in my heart that God loves me and that one day the troubles of this world big or small, selfish or not will be taken away from me if I follow him.

This world, better my life is a struggle for control. I know that when I say God I cannot handle this, he will handle it. It's a matter of letting go and letting God take control, I pray right now that I can become better at letting God lead my life instead of myself. I pray that I will not be Luke warm for God. It is so much worse to know what is right and not do it than it is to do wrong and not know the difference. When you know what is right it takes strength and discipline. I am weak in these qualities but God is strong so I pray he will take over for me.

Now I feel it, peace of mind. Thank you God!

Shock Therapy

This is my baby Cujo!


Somebody tell me that I'm doing the right thing by installing an electric fence for my babies (aka my doggies). I feel horrible! We move our pups from a 300 acre farm to a .87 acre yard and now were gonna electrocute them!? What kind of mom does that? I just need someone to tell me that it doesn't hurt. Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!

I know what I have to do. I will wear the device and have my hubby lay a pizza in the neighbors yard. Then maybe I will know the feeling of longing to run with the wind and being confined with a zap! It just doesn't seem right. Then again my babes squashed on the road doesn't seem like the better alternitive.